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Ever hooked on a diet drink? If not, you probably know someone who was having terrible headaches and ended up being told to give up the diet cola, and if they did (which was very hard to do) they felt much better, and probably began to tell others, "Hey, maybe that diet soda ain't such a good idea." But the media tells you: "Ain't so, Joe! You NEED this! You'll be slim and sexy in no time! People will want you. They will desire you. And those that don't will hate your guts because you are so, so, so sexy and slim and gorgeous!"
You've heard that these new-fangled sweeteners cause tumors to form in the brain. Hey, info gets out. It is downplayed, assuredly, the info, it is laughed at and jeered at, and probably Snopes.com does an "investigative" piece on the info. Matter settled. Now give me my diet soda, cuz if I don't get it, I don't feel too well, in fact I know the soda makers are good people, they are anointed, because I have come to rely on that metallic aftertaste, the one that tasted so WRONG when I began drinking it, but now tastes SO GOOD. Mmm-yeah. POW!

Diet sodas cause tumors. So what. It is benign tumors, right, not malign. And that's a good thing. Those science guys assure us we don't need all of our brain, so, so what if a good portion of our skull fills with pea-sized tumors, so what if tumors the size of eggs squeeze out some of that gray matter. What does it matter? I don't like the color gray, anyway, it just seems so undecided, so in the middle, all those shades of icky gray. I wanna SHASTA!
I have a cell phone. So do you. We all have cell phones. We NEED cell phones. Star Trek, today, just flip it out, and punch a button, and talk! Talk! I have free minutes. I love free minutes. If you don't have a cell phone, you are a very stupid, ugly, living-in-the-past caveman. And let's face it, cavemen just don't smell too good. Give me a cell phone and shut up.
Cell phones do not cause cancer. They do not cause tumors to form, and the tumors that may or may not form are benign, they assure me, and the few that are not benign, hey, they are few, get it? Shut up! SHUT UP about the dangers of cell phones. Get me another soda.
- Oz Moses


“One who deceives will always find those who allow themselves to be deceived.” - Niccolo Machiavelli
An Oz Moses Featurette
“Whatever
is only
almost true
is quite
false, and
among
the most
dangerous
of errors,
because
being so
near truth,
it is the
more likely
to lead
astray.”
- Henry Ward Beecher

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